The Art of Settling
January 8, 2012 Leave a comment
As of late, it seems the topic of ‘settling’ in relationships keeps nestling itself in the midst of my conversations. I guess topics like this are bound to come up when you’re in your late twenties and everyone’s settling down, but with so many people concerned about hitting milestones I can’t help but wonder if settling has become the norm for the sake of just being with someone?
I was having a few drinks with a girlfriend the other night and we got talking about relationships and when you know someone is right for you. Halfway through, she shared the handful of girlfriends she has who’ve thrown the ultimatum of a marriage proposal or splits-ville to their boyfriends, feeling it was “time”.
Are they serious??
If he needs an ultimatum to marry you, maybe he’s not ready and maybe.. just maybe, marriage shouldn’t be on your ‘to do’ list. Sure, people need to be pushed every once and a while. Pushed to do their homework, to take out the garbage, to call and ask for a second date… but to marry someone?? Lol – I don’t get it:)
I asked her how they’re doing now…. Not so strong
All too often, I have friends who burden themselves with the dilemma of ‘stay or go.’ Who are fully aware that they’re not 100% happy, but they’re scared to let go or to be alone… so they settle. They give up a piece of who they are and compromise it for the idea of ‘being with someone.’ But aren’t we worth more than that? Shouldn’t we give ourselves a little more value, if for anything, than just our own happiness?
For me, settling just can’t be an option. Believe me when I say there’s times I’ve wanted to…When I’ve really liked someone and wished things could have been different, but in the end, I feel the consequence is far greater than the small bouts of pleasure in between the ruffled feathers.
When it’s all said and done, there’s someone out there for everyone. Some one to adore you, to love you, to listen, to lift you up.. Someone who truly adds to your life and who you are. No ultimatums, no set date, just time as it dictates. And I’d hate to short change myself by thinking this world could only offer me that on a part-time basis.
It’s not easy being single and dating isn’t for everyone. To put yourself out there, to know that you’re vulnerable to be hurt or let down, there’s no guarantees in anything we do. But regardless of any outcome, it’s far greater to stay true to who you are without compromising you’re needs than to settle for only half and hope for the rest.